Friendship Jesus Style
- Eric Cooter
- Nov 18
- 7 min read
Date Preached: 08/09/2021 A Celebration of New Ministry
Place: St. Aidan's Episcopal Church, Tulsa, OK
Readings: Numbers 21:4-9; Psalm 133, 134; Romans 12:1-18; John 15:9-16
Friendship in 21st century
Jesus said, “I have called you friends.” I Googled the top 50 songs about friends the other day, which I will not name, but I will share just a few with you. See how many of these songs, you have heard before: Queen, “You’re my Best Friend,” The Beatles, “With a Little Help from my friends,” Andrew Gold, “Thank you for Being my Friend” (Golden Girls Theme), Bill Withers, “Lean on Me,” and my favorite by James Taylor, “You’ve Got a Friend.” If you were to look at the lyrics of each of these songs, you will get a pretty good idea about friendship in postmodern times, but do the words of these songs capture what Jesus meant?
Today, I think we may be losing the whole idea of friendship, especially the level of friendship Jesus desires for us with him, and with each other. Here is an example. According to Facebook, I have over 1,000 “friends.” I am not bragging, but most of the people I am “friends” with on Facebook are people I have merely only met before. The idea that all 1000 Facebook folks are my real friends, or are people in my life that even meet the friend standard of some of those wonderful ballads I just named is just not possible. According to a 2016 Huffington Post article, “Science says we can really only have five close friends at a time.” (3) The researcher says, “we are only capable of having a finite number of people in our social sphere — 150 to be exact — due to the capacity of our brains. The closest emotional layer — the one we consider to hold the most meaning and connection — contains approximately five individuals, according to Dunbar.”(3)
We may think social media makes it possible for us to have an unending group of so-called friends, but that holds no water. Our capacity the kind of intimate, committed, close friendship Jesus desires for us may seem according to science, to be impossible for we mere humans, but Jesus to have that kind of relationship with us all IS possible and IS real. Jesus said, “I have called you friends.” That means all of us are friends of Jesus; close, intimate, connected, and transforming friends. So, who are your true friends, and how are you transforming your friends’ lives? What does it mean to be a part of “Jesus and His Friends?”
True Friend or Flatter (Frank talk)
Have you ever had the so-called friend who “butters you up,” “blows smoke,” or simply stated, gives you nothing but insincere flattery? Our Lord does not operate that way. As a matter of fact He is direct, clear, and grace-filled. Jesus said, “The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures but will tell you plainly of the Father.” A real friend does not give insincere flattery of puffed up feedback. A real friend shares with you what you need to hear, and not always what you want to hear.
When I worked for Sears Corporate back in the early 90’s, we went through a difficult and lengthy corporate culture shift. One of the core values we shared during those times was a new commitment to embracing a new value we called “truth speak.” Before the transition, the company had a long-held culture in which, people never spoke truth with love and care about problems, and Sears struggled to break out of its old stuck ways. Systems no longer worked, employee relationship problems were never addressed, and strategies never had solid planning and financial underpinnings. Finally, when people began speaking truth in love or as we called it “truth speak,” many of the operational and personnel problems started being addressed and a new culture of cooperation emerged.
Theologian Gail O’Day wrote about this save value of " truth speak " in first century Greco-Roman culture, “To be someone's friend was to speak frankly and honestly to them and to hold nothing back.” (1) Jesus was all about truth speak with his disciples and the religious system of his time. He told Peter when he tried to deter him from the cross, “Get thee behind me Satan.” He also told him to “feed his sheep” after he had to ask him three times if he loved him. Jesus challenged his disciples about their trust in him, “O You of Little Faith.
I believe we need that kind of “truth speak” and loving frankness in the church today. We need to lovingly remove our masks of so-called good Christian false demeanor, and be real with one another, and embrace a closeness that allows us to share what we often might not want to hear, but what we need to hear, and all for our own good and the good of the community. Friends need a little truth speak but we also need to walk the talk.
Friends: Following Jesus’ commandments
Jesus said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” Gail O’Day wrote, “Friendship is not simply an abstract social and moral virtue; it achieves its real worth when it is modeled and embodied in practice.” (1) Jesus taught us the simplest of commands, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And Love your neighbor as yourself.” That kind of love transcends oneself. Jesus explains that loving God and neighbor describes how we should be willing to lay down our lives for our friends.
I know I would risk my life for my wife and daughter, my mother and siblings, but would I risk my life for others? I sure hope I would when the moment comes, but maybe Jesus means something even more simple than sacrificing our life for someone. Maybe Jesus is telling us that laying down our life means setting aside our own agenda and our own desires and wants, for what may very well be the best thing for our friend, for our community, and for God’s will.
O’Day also wrote, “Friendship moves a person from being a private individual to a member of a social group based on something beyond kinship.” (1) “Jesus and His Friends” move outside ourselves and follow the life giving, sacrificial approach to following God’s will. According to the Urban Dictionary, “A friend is someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. A friend is someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies.” (2) Simply said, “Jesus and His friends” make time for cultivating the connection of love between the other, even if it means setting aside our own desires, needs, and wants.
Friendship: Aidan and A Cute Song
“Jesus and His Friends” must walk the talk. We can find examples of that kind of friendship throughout the history of the church. We could not ask for a better person to show us this truth speak way of faith than the inspired missionary Aidan, who would walk from one village to another, politely conversing with the people he saw and slowly interesting them in Christianity. By patiently talking to the people on their own level (and by taking an active interest in their lives and communities). Aidan and his monks slowly restored Christianity to the Northumbrian countryside by doing what Jesus did and does today; making friends. That is what we are called to do as well.
“Jesus and His Friends” speak frankly and say what a friend needs to hear, but may not want to hear. We lay down our own agendas and well-being, so that God’s will, and the good of the other comes first. We center our lives on God’s mission of love. In a world where friendship has become distorted, and racking up friends on a social media site has become a badge of false connectedness and community, we need to recapture a simpler understanding of friendship in Christ. Jesus said, “I have called you friends.”
So, St. Aidan's and Fr. Skip, that is what you are called to do here as Vicar and Church; to come together as friends of Jesus and each other, and live your lives as an example of grace. Then, you are called to go out into your neighborhoods each and every day, and make more friends for Christ. You are called to sing a song of grace, transformation, love, peace, and friendship in Christ.
Have you ever heard the song “You’ve Gotta Friend in Me,” the theme song of the movie “Toy Story?” I found an incredible version on YouTube the other day. The song is sung by a three-year-old named Claire and her Dad. I think the lyrics of this song offer us with a simple picture of the kind of friendship Jesus is talking about.
The song goes like this:
You've got a friend in me,When the road looks rough ahead, And you're miles and miles, From your nice warm bed, You just remember what your old pal said, Boy, you've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me, You got troubles, I've got 'em too, There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, We stick together and see it throughCause you've got a friend in me
Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am, Bigger and stronger too, Maybe, But none of them will ever love you The way I do, It's me and you, you’ve got a friend in me.
And as the years go by,Our friendship will never die,You're gonna see it's our destiny,You've got a friend in me, You’ve Got a friend in me.
Jesus said, “I have called you friends.” So, take a look at our sisters and brothers on our left and right, give them a smile, and let them know that in you (and in Christ) they’ve gotta friend indeed.
REFERENCES
(1) O'Day, Gail R. "Jesus as Friend in the Gospel of John." Interpretation, vol. 58, no. 2, Apr. 2004, pp. 144-157.
(4) “You’ve Gotta Frie
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